To all women, that tap into an open relationship.
First to the ones, who want to get involved with a man, that is in an open relationship. I don’t know, if you have ever been in an open relationship. Or if you have ever loved and build a life together with someone. This connection is delicate, is tender and its build on hours of inner work. Being invited to that kind of container requires both people in the relationship to say yes to pain, confrontation and laying open immense self worth issues. They wouldn’t (I hope) invite others, if they weren’t ready to explore pain and find self love in it.
Please be aware of the other woman sister. Put yourself in her shoes and offer connection. Sisterhood is the antidote to jealousy - and non sisterhood is the fuel for jealousy. In many cases she can’t do it alone. She can’t find the safety and the trust just yet and needs you to help her. Check in with her, show respect to the relationship you are welcomed in. If that takes away the excitement of your sexual lust, because you feel so good being the new toy, then reconsider if you are ready for this.
And for the women that are the ones in the committed relationship. Take care of your heart. Learn to differentiate between fear speaking out of you and truth landing causing some discomfort. Fear will make you judge, will make you hard, passive aggressive. It will make you create scenarios in your head that quickly feel so vividly that you believe them to be true. Truth causing discomfort keeps you connected to yourself regardless of discomfort. You can feel pain, grief and anxiety and be with it. Be with you. That’s a spiritual practice. In that you are invited to learn to die. To let your old identity, that tells you you aren’t worth, die. You might find yourself in an identity crises with no place to go to. In these moments you need your sisters. There you are reminded of the time when your pure little heart was broken for the very first time. There is no other way for you but show yourself like this. You will be unable to hold up a persona that you are not. You will have to let your guards down, show how little you actually are. And there you die again. Identity crises included. Who are you without the persona keeping it all together somehow? Maybe nothing. Arrive in the nothing and go from there. Build yourself up from there. From a place of love and truth.
And sister, along that way please for the sake of god express all that anger. All that disappointment you carry within you towards men and women. Your masculine AND your feminine wounds are open. Your lack of trust in men and your lack of trust in women is triggered. Which makes it a cocktail with the power to completely send you in paranoia. With being left to trust nobody but yourself. But choose to trust nevertheless. Trust your man with truly loving you. Trust the woman for being able to have good intentions. And even if neither of that ends up being true, continue trusting. In god.
Depending on your ability to hold stress you either have one boundary too much or you jump head first in the depth of yourself.
AND, don’t loose yourself in blaming the other woman. She is also doing her best, she’s doing life the best way she can. Cuz everybody does - even tho we think we or other could have done better.
And to all the women curious - get support, talk to people about it. Get a PHD in boundary setting and need awareness. don’t expect to feel fully ready ever.
And to all the women just reading this shaking their heads, maybe you are the wiser ones - who knows.
And to all the women reading this just to judge others peoples choices and sending it to their “girlfriends” - I feel you too. Maybe I would do the same. Or maybe I would ask myself why I’m spending my time in other people’s life but not in mine.
Anyhow sisters. I personally need you. Probably more than I know. And I’m trying to recover from years of competition and I think I should try harder. I feel like women are like the most powerful AI that all of a sudden and due to miss usage programmed themselves to fight each other. But that’s not what we’ve been created for.
Sometimes I feel the longing. And it creates so much grief just realizing that I haven’t had the sisterhood my heart always yearned for.