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October Blues

There are so many facets of love. I found out about that while searching for love. I always wanted to know what love really is.


And the more I searched the wider my understanding of love got. Initially I'm not exactly sure why I wanted to know what love was. I think it might have been the phantasies in my head that peeled my eyes on finding love. The phantasy of this one person. The love that’s… perfect. I started looking for the thing I craved the most and realized it didn’t exit. At least not the way I was told. Autsch.


The thing with love is when you truly open up to it, you don’t just find it in one person anymore. All of a sudden it’s everywhere. And while that sounds like a wildly beautiful thing, it’s almost equally challenging. How so? Because the true understanding of love will cost everything you have learned. About love, about relationship, about the world.

How we see the world was delicately chosen by the ones before us. At least some people at some point in history must have consciously chosen their way of thinking about life. There is a craving in all of us to find the one truth. The one person, that’s right about it all. The one God that tells us how it really is. Some people take an old truth as their own just to find guidance. Other don’t accept any truths and find themselves lost, so many times. We are torn between wanting somebody to tell us what is true and wanting to find out ourselves. In which direction you are aiming depends on your state of being.

At some point we have to understand that the truth and how it’s presenting itself in the 3D world is ever changing. But never the underlying energy of it. Truth will forever feel grounded and peaceful at the least a little bit. But how it manifests in the three dimensional world looks different every time.

It’s like an outfit you put on. It might represent you perfectly one moment, but the next moment it’s another outfit that expresses your inner world. What's never changing tho is the person inside the outfits. You might want to call it soul or god. It's the very thing that love to put itself in so many different outfits to experience its different facets.


Love for me today, and I say that with a pinch of disappointment and melancholy (for the poet that I am), is the ability to love everything. Every little thing you see is an expression of love. Just calling the connection between two people love is most likely the most limiting thing you can do to yourself.


And the love between two people, oh believe me that, is still my favorite thing in this whole world. I'm a sucker for romance and maybe equally I'm a sucker for understanding life deeply. And these two have the power to take each others magic away sometimes. At least a little bit. Thats the reason I choose to live in ignorance sometimes. They say after all: ignorance is bliss. And I believe that to be true.


Do you remember that time? The time you met him. Butterflies in your stomach. The pull between you too felt stronger then the wind in a storm. Stronger then the current of the ocean? The whole world lights up and you start to see the beauty in everything. This is the gate. The gate into the inner temple of love. In these moments we get a taste of what life on earth could be like if we healed our broken little hearts. I'm personally not sure if I will ever heal my broken little heart in this lifetime. But I'm sure I will cherish those moments for ever. The moments where love is so accessible, so easy and so free.


I'm so in love with the love between two people that I'm willing to take the pain that comes with it. Sometimes at least. Sometimes I just want the most boring life, wish I never experienced so much in my life and be in the believe that a shit life is inevitable.


But like my favorite poet Charles Bukowski says:

“My Dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it's much better to be killed by a lover.."


I'm not just the self love coach that has accurate answers for each of your problems. I'm also a deep deep melancholic & confused piece of mess that is in this with you together. I teach from the place of a sharp mind. And I live from a place of finding love. Sometimes I teach you, sometimes I teach myself. And sometimes you just watch me live and get an idea of what finding love in everything looks like.


“We’re here to laugh at the odds,” Bukowski said, “and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

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